


Death Eater's Delight - Starring Hermoane Granger and Luscious Malfoy

by Silbane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, Porn With Plot, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 01:39:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6450277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silbane/pseuds/Silbane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Second Wizarding War, an effort from the Ministry of Magic to introduce Muggle technologies into everyday magical life resulted in an explosion of new, growing industries. Unsurprisingly, one such industry was the production and sale of "Polyjuiced Pornography," where actors and actresses skilled in the art of sex portray famous heroines and villains from the war in a multitude of creative situations.</p><p>Among those most popular star (the actors and actresses remain anonymous and only go by stage names) Luscious Malfoy and Hermoane Granger.</p><p>This is very much a crack fic.</p><p>**I apologize in advance for the clunkiness of the screenplay part, I can't edit margins so it makes the script difficult to read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Eater's Delight - Starring Hermoane Granger and Luscious Malfoy

FADE IN:

 

INT. MALFOY MANOR, STUDY ROOM – NIGHT

 

The elegant study room of Malfoy Manor is filled with rich leathers and dark-toned furniture. LUSCIOUS, wearing fine robes, stands in front of the fireplace; a rope-bound, school uniformed HERMOANE struggling on the floor.

  

LUSCIOUS

It took a careful bit of planning, Hermoane, but I've finally managed to get my hands on you.

 

HERMOANE

You so much as touch me with those hands and there will be hell to pay, I promise you! 

 

LUSCIOUS approaches her, grabbing her none-too-gently by the hair.

 

LUSCIOUS

Watch your words, little lioness. 

 

LUSCIOUS kisses her forcefully, HERMOANE struggles at first then accepts the kiss. LUSCIOUS breaks it off after several moments.

 

HERMOANE

[Panting, breasts heaving] Oh, Luscious, I've wanted you for so long. 

 

LUSCIOUS

Of course you have, filthy little Muggle-born.

 

LUSCIOUS stands, draws his cane, and pulls HERMOANE up from the floor to bend her over his desk.

 

LUSCIOUS

You've caused me quite a bit of trouble, girl. It's time you get your punishment! 

 

HERMOANE

[Gasps] Please, no!

 

A shrieking HERMOANE is spanked with the cane. [Use personal judgment for length of spanking]. LUSCIOUS finishes and unzips his trousers.

 

HERMOANE

Luscious, you wouldn't!

 

LUSCIOUS

You _dare_ question a Malfoy?!

 

LUSCIOUS enters her from behind.

...

 

* * *

 

"That's a wrap!" The director stood from his seat, waving his arm to end the taping. He stretched his back as the multitude of crew members began to mill about.

The stars of the show passed him on the way to their dressing rooms for the eighth time just this month.

"How do you two manage to get your hands on their hairs, huh?" They stopped and looked between each other for one of them to speak first. "I know we usually have a don't-ask-don't-tell policy about the whole thing, but I'm just dying to know."

'Luscious' smiled, placing his hands nonchalantly in his pockets. "Well if we're being honest here, do you think Lucius Malfoy would be hard to persuade into being an inadvertent movie star?"

The actress next to him giggled. "I'm assuming it was as difficult as mailing him a letter?"

He dipped his head. "About as much."

"As for Hermione, she hangs around Flourish and Blotts rather often, leaving plenty of her hairs behind in the process," she explained.

The director looked between the two, delighted with their answers. "Well it might be borderline stalking on _your_ part," he nodded to the woman, "but keep up the good work! This one's going to fly off the shelves when we finish editing, I swear. Great job you two."

After finishing their clean-up and getting situated into their own clothes, they walked together (only by pure coincidence) to the apparation point behind the recording studio.

'Luscious' ran a hand through his pale hair as they both stopped just outside the perimeter. "Another fantastic performance if I do say so myself. Would you like to grab something to eat? I'm starved."

The woman, applying a bit of lip balm in a compact mirror, paused to look up at him. "Oh, uhm... I, no thank you," her eyes darted back to her compact.

"Oh come on, considering how, erm... close we've gotten over the last few months, you'd think some shared food wouldn't be too awkward."

She paused for a moment, then answered in a bit of a rush. "I wouldn't want the potion to wear off when we're in the middle of a pub. I'd rather not have my identity known, you understand of course." She capped the balm and snapped the mirror shut, placing both items in her bag.

"I think we both know you wouldn't have to worry about that." His suddenly low tone and predatory gaze stopped her heart for a moment.

Her brows knitted together, meeting his gaze with a small, awkward laugh. "I'm sorry?"

A grin broke out on his elegant features. "You can drop the act, Hermione."

The woman swallowed hard, blush rapidly growing on her cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He chuckled and spoke with the same posh accent he used during shoots. "Muggle-borns really should take classes on proper techniques for lying. We Purebloods are trained in that skill nearly from birth." His eyes narrowed, waiting for realization to dawn on her.

"What?" Her eyes widened, blush spreading down to her chest. "You're... you're actually..."

His smirk, far too characteristic of the real Malfoy to be a mere imitation, grew. "I believe you knew that already."

 "I... N-no! I had no idea!" She took a step back from him, cornering herself against the brick wall behind her.

He met her step and placed a hand beside her head, leering down at her. "Oh, yes, Miss Granger, I'm fairly certain you knew by our second scene together." One blonde eyebrow quirked up. "Unless you're the world's best actress, which is hard to believe given your failed lie a few seconds ago, I think you rather enjoyed the idea of being railed by a former Death Eater."

Her nostrils flared, denial on her tongue. "That's absurd! I would never-"

"Who would never?" His amusement shone through his visceral dissection of her argument. " _Hermione Granger_ would never?"

"Th-that's not what I said!" She bit her lip, desperately trying to think of a different explanation and coming up dry.

"There's no use denying it, Miss Granger. With the eagerness of your performances, I would be a fool not to see the chemistry between us."

She offered no rebuttal, only shook her head and scrambled for purchase in her thoughts.

"Has Mister Weasley not been providing adequate excitement for you as of late? Or has your post-war life not been as adventurous as you'd hoped?" He drew closer, whispering into her ear. "How old were you when you realized you wanted to shag a Death Eater?"

Hermione's face grew more distraught with each of his questions, all of them resonating within her with an astounding yes. But a moment later, her head stopped spinning, Gryffindor courage suddenly racing through her veins like an elixir. "Sixteen."

Lucius seemed genuinely surprised with her answer. The gears in his mind began to turn, his mouth opening just the slightest. "When you were-"

"Yes, Lucius, when I was kidnapped and taken to your manor to be handed over to your  _Dark Lord_." Vitriol laced into her words as she gained more leverage in their conversation. "I couldn't help but become so incredibly enamored with a lowly, desperate bigot hoping to score a few points in his master's eyes." She nearly spat the words as she finished.

His hand came up to her chin, gripping it painfully. He looked about to draw his wand and  _Avada_ her without a second thought, but instead his lips came crashing down onto hers. Without hesitation, she met his kiss with equal fervor.

Soon, his lips left a blazing trail down her neck to her collarbone, Hermione sliding her hand into his hair and begging him closer. " _Lucius..._ "

He lifted his head to meet her eyes, his voice like silk. "Yes?"

"You're a fool if you think I'm that easy to seduce." She sent him flying backward into the opposite wall with a Stinging Jinx aimed at his nether region. He gasped with pain, eyes wide with shock as she walked over and looked down at him. "Don't get too upset,  _Luscious_. Save it for our next taping." She smirked, unabashedly staring at his groin. "It'll make for a better performance."

She apparated away not a moment later, leaving a frustrated but grinning Lucius Malfoy alone in the alley.

**Author's Note:**

> The corniest crack that ever corned. Was the end predictable? Of course it was. But was it fun to write? Oh thine heavenly gods, yes.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! If you're not up to leaving a comment, kudos make my heart sing!


End file.
